like I came to you, begging to cook meth. oh, hey, nerdiest old dude I know, you wanna come cook crystal?
4 days ago on March 06, 2014 at 02:19pm with 1,971 notes
Maybe I would have been something you’d be good at. Maybe you would have been something I’d be good at… But now we’ll never know.
reading bad fanfiction is like listening to the kidz bop version of your favourite song
why is this so accurate
And of course there’s Sherlock, back for a third series just as soon as the BBC finishes its promotional Amish-style striptease.
"I wait for the morning of my googly eyes."
Suggested by littlenim!
If it hadn’t already clicked for the entire audience that John and Sherlock are pretty much an old, cranky, married couple, and they still didn’t get it after this episode, I’m pretty sure they’re just doomed to miss the point of this show forever. See, to translate, when Sherlock says, “You’re my only friend,” what he actually means to say is “John, I love you, because you are the only person in the universe who will not blink when I come into the flat with a harpoon and covered in what may or may not be human blood, help me break into a top-secret military base, allow me to drug your coffee, and will still talk to me the morning after. Let’s make friendship bracelets and run into the sunset, but instead of holding hands, we will be chasing a serial killer.”
so my dorm had an open mic/coffeehouse night and my roommate and I went down because it seemed like it would be fun and also free coffee
and a ton of people turned out and there were a bunch of brilliant acts, and about 45 minutes in this guy comes up like “i’m gonna do some stand-up,” and we’re all like wow this is pretty ambitious
so his first few jokes get a decent amount of laughs, it’s slightly awkward but he’s doing pretty well, and then he goes
"ok so this next joke is kind of weird but i’m gonna tell it" and proceeds to bestow this gem upon the waiting audience:
"So, my girlfriend and I have gotten pretty serious lately and we’ve gotten to talking- she wants to have kids, but I want to conserve my sperm."
*cue confused giggles and one loud whoop, he keeps going*
"Yeah, i’m saving it up so I can have a good sperm meal in the future."
4 months ago on October 20, 2013 at 09:11pm with 1 note