also oh god i was such a baby whiner earlier but despite the hourlong ride/bus transfer out to staten island it was such an amazingly fun day
the girl i was helping is like the best ever crewmate and i got to hang with her cool friends and little cousin and it was so chill and also pretty out
i got a letter from my mom today and inside the card itself she shoved 2 different reviews of Frank, something about The Hobbit and a bookmark with a picture of Jesus hugging a lamb and Psalm 23 on the back
oh my god i love my mom
Also random stories but Brooke ( generationwhyme ) and I went to goodwill yesterday and I got this long-sleeved turtleneck black dress (she called it a “beatnik dress”) and i can’t wait to wear it this fall
but i’m trying to figure out how to accessorize it and make it halloween-appropriate but I might be able to pull off something Mad Men related
or if my hair is pink by then she suggested I add the most hipster accessories + goggles and go as ramona flowers
also shit i need to get straight doesn’t just include me doing stuff i was putting off
it’s saying stuff i’ve been putting off saying even if i’m not sure if i should say it or i’m afraid of the consequences. like big things that need to be said once but also little things like not being afraid to tell someone when they’re upsetting me or when i disagree with them about something little and inconsequential
the people who love me won’t suddenly not love me anymore just because i say that i disagree with them once, they won’t love me less because i say one thing they might not want to hear and I’ve literally been living in fear of that my entire life and it’s the one major thing i need to learn
i just wrote such an overdue message to one of my favorite professors to address something that i really dropped the ball on and which i regret dropping the ball on
and i don’t even believe how much better i feel already
procrastinating sucks and it’s probably made more people than my writing professor really disappointed in me, and i’m trying to start correcting it because this weekend i’ve been thinking about it a lot and hating myself and hating the way i steal my own peace of mind by putting everything off until even the tiniest thing seems like such an effort
i’m not that lazy and i’m not going to act that way anymore
There was this really cute girl at work tonight training for the other store
And she had these really blue eyes, like literally limpid tears
And when I left just now she had to come lock the door behind me and she was like “go home and enjoy your Mad Men, the fourth season is really good!”
And I just word vomited out “You have really nice eyes! Like, crazy blue!”
And then I peaced out so fast
OTL why does she not work in our store
Woah, a massive thunderstorm just started. Crazy bright lightning, too.
I like storms, but I hope it’s not gonna be raining when I have to move all my shit out of the building in a few hours.
So I went to St. John the Divine tonight to hear the reading of the cantos from Dante’s Inferno. It was so beautifully dark in there except at the altar which was lit perfectly. So eerie.
Though I have to say, before tonight, never had I thought i’d hear the words “ass trumpet” spoken from a church altar.
Now I’m debating going to the diner. Somebody decide for me.